How Far
by KaydenceRei
Summary: Olivia wonders how far Elliot will let her go before she walks too far away for him to get to her. PostFault, Oneshot, Songfic, EO.


**Disclaimer**: I wish they were mine, but alas my dreams never do come true.

**A/N**: Sooo.. I know I already wrote a one-shot song fic for post-fault, but I found a song that fit even better than 'Nobody Wins'. And I think that this one deserves a MUCH better ending then my last, don't you all?

This one is for Kelly, my 10th official story!

**Artist**: Martina McBride

**Song**: How Far

* * *

Olivia sighed slightly and leaned over the side of the bride looking out over the bay. She watched all the boats sailing around, all seemingly so free as they floated on the waters gentle waves. Her saddened brown eyes stared out, holding on to all of the things that had happened throughout the day. Hers and Elliot's mindless bickering, the fault of…who even knew whose fault all of this was anymore, she most certainly didn't.

Her golden brown hair caressed the sides of her face due to the blow of the wind. She subconsciously ran her hand through it, attempting to move it from her eyes and her view of the water. There were times she wished she could walk away, not only from Elliot but from everything that was in her life, and even though she would instantly regret those feelings only moments later, she couldn't help but wonder about their true meaning.

She'd thought that maybe it was just her nerves getting the best of her, but she knew that wasn't the case. She was being pushed further and further away from the job that she had lived to do for so many years. All of those years weren't wasted, she knew that much. She would always be glad that she'd put away as many rapists and murderers and pedophiles and everything else imaginable, but now she was getting nowhere with the job, nowhere with her personal life.

The job was her life, she'd given everything up to have it. She had no one to come home to at night, no one to tell her that she was making a difference for somebody out there who needed her help. She no longer had a partner who could keep her sane because no matter how close she tried to get, she was thrown an extra 30 feet passed her original starting point. She could leave now, but she wondered where it would get her.

_There's a boat, I could sail away  
There's the sky, I could catch a plane  
There's a train, there's the tracks  
I could leave and I could choose to not come back  
Oh never come back_

Olivia had stood up from her position of leaning over the railing, and begun walking back the way she came. She wanted to be closer to the water, walk around in the sand with no shoes on, feel a little freedom from all of the things running through her mind. Her clothes were ones different than she would normally have worn to work, or out to a store. She wore a white tank top and a pair of grey sweatpants in which the drawstring hung, remaining untied around her waist.

She pulled on the matching grey sweater as she stepped on to the sand near the bay, walking quietly towards the water. She stepped into the gently wading water, not going in further than her ankles as she began to walk down the small beach, lost in her thoughts. She smiled at the few people who had walked by her, the couples that walked or jogged by hand in hand or arms linked.

Her and Elliot used to be able to walk side by side, matching the other's stride so easily. They would joke and link arms as Munch and Fin made bets between them, just to make one or the other win. But somehow everything had managed to change between them. There were no more jokes to help either Munch or Fin win a bet, there were no more walks side by side, and there were no more talks after hard cases to help them get through the night.

Sure…she'd made so many attempts to get Elliot to talk and open up to her. And sure, she'd made an equal amount of attempts to walk beside him once more, just as they used to. She never got a response, not really anyways. Her efforts always received a grunt, an, 'I don't want to talk about it' look, or an, 'I want to be alone' posture.

_There you are, giving up the fight  
Here I am begging you to try  
Talk to me, let me in  
But you just put your wall back up again  
Oh when's it gonna end_

Olivia could never make Elliot understand how much it actually hurt her to try so hard to get him to open up. She could never make him understand that now she had given up on chasing him and started her own path in the opposite direction. It had taken her months to realize that she couldn't make their partnership work any longer, and it had taken her equally as long to decide to give up and go the other way.

Why did things have to get so complicated between them?

She shook her head…wondering if Elliot had found out about the request she had made to their captain yet. She knew she had put Cragen in a tough spot by telling him she wanted a new partner, so much of a spot that she had been given the rest of the day off to clear her head. But she didn't need to clear her head, she needed to move on, she needed to keep walking and see how far she could get on her own without Elliot being near her every step of the way.

_How far do I have to go to make you understand  
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far_

Everything had gone so terribly wrong today… No one could ever make Ryan's death go away, no one could ever make his sister Rebecca's emotional pain go away at having seen so many gruesome things. Nothing made any of the things happening today even the least bit right, nothing could change the outcome.

Olivia had been so lost in thought that she hadn't seen or heard the person who had come up behind her, "Olivia.." the person placed a hand on her shoulder.

She had been taken so much by surprised that she turned to quickly for her own good and lost her footing, falling backwards into the water. She blinked a few times…attempting to regain her composure from the shock of the cold water now soaking her. She looked up, deciding to see who had caught her by surprise only to realize she had imagined it…there was no one there.

A short groan escaped her lips, and instead of getting up she simply sat in the water like she was, only turning to face towards the bay. She was already soaked, why bother to even stand up at this point. She let another small sigh escape her lips as she hugged her knees to her chest, staring at the water with a look that couldn't be explained. Would it even matter if she decided to stay as Elliot's partner, or made the decision she really was going to leave?

She really wasn't sure what the answer to that was…because she only wanted what Elliot wanted and needed. He had said that if they were to continue choosing each other over the job, they couldn't be partners, she wondered if it was something that he wanted or needed… it had sounded like it. So what did Elliot want in this situation..

_There's a chance I could change my mind  
But I won't, not till you decide  
What you want, what you need  
Do you even care if I stay or leave  
Oh, what's it gonna be_

Olivia remained seated in the bay water, staring out in utter curiosity. The odd looks she was receiving from passersby were completely ignored…she didn't care what they thought about her sitting here in the water, fully clothed, why should she?

This is what Elliot had done to her, driven her so far away that she'd fallen into the water. She hadn't begun to drown yet in his actions and words, but she knew that unless he decided he wanted to change things between the two of them, that if she remained his partner she would eventually drown. No one would be able to save her from drowning, not even herself.

It was Elliot's choice for how far he allowed his partner to sink, for how far he allowed her to walk without pulling on the line to get her to come back. So far he had merely continued to give her more and more slack, and she hated the fact he wasn't even going to attempt to pull her back in.

She'd keep on walking away from him, just so she wouldn't have to bear the burden of the hurt and the worry anymore. She'd keep on walking away from him until he fully understood the consequences to everything he had done to her, every single time that he pushed her away, he ripped out a piece of her and threw it out.

_How far do I have to go to make you understand  
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far_

This time she heard the footsteps in the water, but she refused to turn and look. But when she noticed a person sit down next to her in the water, her brown eyes wandered in their direction to reveal Elliot. She almost couldn't believe he had sat down in the bay water next to her, it didn't seem like the Elliot she had known lately. Her mouth remained closed, and she turned her gaze back out towards the bay.

Elliot stared at her as she looked at him, then looked away. He knew he'd made far too many mistakes with his partner to ever really make it right, but he had to do something before he lost the only person who gave him more chances than he ever deserved to have. "Olivia…Liv I don't really know what to say to you.."

She turned her head, glaring at him with her brown eyes, "What exactly do you want me to say to you Elliot…that it's alright what you've been doing to me?" she asked. She watched as his eyes cast downward, "Do you want me to tell you that I don't mind how far you let me fall before you came to catch me?" she blurted out.

Elliot seemed stunned at the words as he looked up and met the no longer angry eyes of his partner, but the sullen and fallen eyes of a defeated woman. He realized the errors that he was making weren't just hurting him all of this time, they were having just as much of an effect on Olivia.

_Out of this chair, or just across the room  
Halfway down the block or halfway to the moon_

"Liv, I'm so sorry, I just couldn't see all the things I was doing wrong.." he said. He saw her brown eyes softened slightly as she looked at him. He smiled slightly at her, and she returned the small favor. "You didn't deserve all of the things I was saying and doing to you, I never should have let you fall.." he spoke quietly and then looked downward.

Olivia waited for a moment, then took his hand in hers before looking forward towards the bay once more. "It's okay…all I really wanted was to talk.. And that's what we're doing," she told him.

Elliot looked down at her hand in his, and he smiled at her. "I don't deserve to have you as a friend, you know that Olivia?" he asked quietly.

She smiled faintly, her eyes glancing towards the smile on his face, "Yes you do Elliot…you deserve everything and so much more.." she replied before standing up in the water.

_How far do I have to go to make you understand  
I wanna make this work so much it hurts, but I just can't  
Keep on giving, go on living with the way things are  
So I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say  
Yeah I'm gonna walk away  
And it's up to you to say how far_

Elliot had gone to stand up, but he'd slipped and fallen into the water, soaking himself completely and splashing more water onto Olivia who was biting her lip in an attempt not to laugh. Olivia had gone to help him and only managed to slip herself and fall on top of him, causing them both to laugh.

He grinned at Olivia who was on top of him, and after wrapping his arms around her waist he placed a chaste kiss on her lips, "Still partners?" he asked.

"For life.." Olivia replied.

* * *

**Hope it wasn't too horrible for all of you, I tried my best, and I absolutely love the song. So anyways, I promise I'll get back to writing 'He Was Gone, But Not Forgotten' and in two days I go on Spring Break, so I can probably manage to finish that story sometime over then. Not sure how many more chapters it will have though, but I guess we'll find out! -Kay**


End file.
